Fig No-Relations-to-Sir-Isaac Newton

         Here we go. The history of Fig Newtons. Because why not?                                                      And if you don't know what a Fig Newton is, it's a scrumptious cookie filled with hatred. See below

"Why not?" Being a common question when talking about
Fig Newtons. 

          Ok, so once upon a time in a magical place called "Ohio," a humble cookie maker named Charles M. Roser thought up the Fig Newton cookie. Or at least he is credited with inventing the recipe. Then, around the year of 1890, Roser sold the cookie recipe to the Kennedy Biscuit Works (which is now called Nabisco). The Kennedy Biscuit Works mass produced the cookie, and that is why you can enjoy the slightly-putred taste of figs inside of sugar-bread. The end.

The knight then force-fed the dragon a Fig Newton,
at which point the dragon turned purple and died.

            That was pretty short huh? Want to know more facts about Fig Newtons that you will undoubtedly annoy your friends with? Well then I guess it would be rude of me not to further enlighten you. So here you go:

              In 1891, James Henry Mitchell invented a machine that made mass production of the Fig Newton possible. The machine worked as a double funnel. There was one funnel on the inside of the device that supplied the jam, and a funnel outside the inner funnel that pumped out the dough. This created a long tube of Fig Newton. The machine would then cut and stamp the cookie, making it ready for packaging. 

             And, contrary to popular belief, the Fig Newton's name was not inspired by Sir Isaac Newton. Rather, it was inspired by the Massachusetts town of Newton. Kennedy Biscuits had a habit of naming their cookies after local towns. 

But this guy does look like his favorite cookie would be
a Fig Newton. Or maybe an oatmeal cookie.