Capitalist Candy: A Halloween Spectacular

        Ok, so this is going to sound like a crazy conspiracy theory, so just bear with me here. Okay? Okay. Remember the little shift in daylight savings time in 2007? If you don't, Congessed passed a bill called "the energy policy act."And  now instead of ending the week of October, daylightsavings now ends the first week of November. And it was all to make you buy more candy. 

                   Capitalist swine

        Alright, so the whole peropose of the "energy policy act" was, as you may have guessed, to have America conserve more energy. And even though there is no actual proof that the bill would work (in fact there was evidence to the contrary) the bill was passed. Why? 

      On a completely unrelated note, did you know that the candy industry can make over $2 billion per Halloween? 

      Ok I lied. The above statement was not unrelated. The biggest groups pushing for the bill to pass were in the candy industry. Giving kids another hour of candy gathering time would result in a small fortune for them. And it did. And still does. The end.

      And that's the story of how the candy industry controlled time. 

        I'm pretty sure this would make

        a great Disney movie starring

        Scrooge McDuck. 

Angels are actually Terrifying

       
 Imagine an angel. A divine winged human being surrounded by an aura of gentle white light.

So angelic.

           Now imagine that image was eaten and regurgitated by a codeine-fueled nightmare. Actual biblical angels look something like that.
           You see, painters took a lot of liberties with appearance of angels. They made them friendly and majestic. They also made them humanoid. Ultimately, angels looked a lot more... weird... before painters edited them.

        For example, lets look at a seraphim, the only type of angel that actually has wings.

          Oh did I mention it has six? And they're not for flying, they cover the body of the angel. Because if you saw the angel's real body, you would be either blinded or incinerated.

          Not "trippy" enough for you? Fine. There are also angels called thrones, which are described in the bible as "wheels within wheels." Oh yea, and the wheels are covered in eyes.

Click to see throne

         At least none of the angels are overtly terrifying. Ha! You obviously haven't seen the cherubim yet.
         "What, the cute little pudgy-baby-cupid type things?" You may be thinking.
         Well technically. Except they look like this:

Click to see Cherubim

      Yup, Ezekiel 10:14 describes them as "frightening four-headedmonstrosities that included the faces of a man, an eagle, and a lion." And sometimes he has a goat or an ox head in there just for good measure.

         The bottom line is that angels are terrifying.

Terrifying I tell you.

Fanta-stic Origins

         The year is 1941, the United States have officially entered the second World War, and Coca-Cola is placed in a rather difficult situation: "Should we continue selling Coke to Germany and be ostracized by everyone forever, or should we not sell to America's now sworn enemies?"

I don't care. Let them all burnnnn.

            Unsurprisingly, Coca-Cola opted to stop shipping their product to the poor thirsty Nazis. This put a man named Max Keith in a pickle. You see, Keith was the head of operations for Coca-Cola in Germany. And now that Coke and it's secret ingredients were gone from the Fatherland, there was like, figuratively nothing to drink.

God forbid...

           So acting quickly, Keith threw a bunch of stuff in a bottle and called it a beverage. His concoction included whey (watery part of milk after curds have formed) and pomace (stuff left over after pressing fruit), all of which was drown in a bunch of fake sugar. He dubbed the "product" Fanta, and abbreviation for phantasie, the German word for fantasy.

Pictured: whey. My definition of  "fantasy" is a little
different than Keith's.

         Fanta was largely successful in Germany, especially towards the later part of the war, where food shortages ran rampant. Fanta was enjoyed by many hungry Germans as a broth for soup.

         After the war ended, Coca-Cola returned to the now Hitler-free country and Fanta was abolished on the basis that it was practically inedible. That is, until around 10 years later, when Pepsi began enlarging their line of beverages. Coca-Cola, realizing that just brown sugar-water might not be able to compete with Pepsi's variety, brought back Fanta (only with a few changes in the ingredients, making sure it was, you know, fit for consumption).

And people have been enjoying Fanta ever since. I think. 

         

The Legacy of William Howard Taft

         Here are some historical facts about William Howard Taft:

 Taft was the 27th president of the United States from 1909-1913.
He was hand picked by Theodor Roosevelt to be his successor.
After his presidency, he went on to become Chief Justice of the United States. Making him the only president to ever be both.
He sought world peace.
Historians generally remember him as just an all around good president.
And once he got stuck in the White House's bath tub.

      ...Which one of those facts are you going to remember about him?

America, even our president is so fat he gets stuck in bath tubs.

        Yup, at 330 pounds, Taft was America's largest president. 

  

        When someone finally found him, it took four men to get him out.

      

"Maybe If I grow a fantastic mustache, that's what people will remember me for!"

       Later, a new bathtub was installed specifically for Taft. It could fit four full grown men. 

       ... I feel like I should write more, but I mean, President got stuck in a bathtub. What more do you want?