Fine Dining: King Heart

            Louis XIV of France (also known as Louis the Great) ruled from 1643 to 1725, the longest French reign yet. He conquered, balanced the counties debt, and ate fancy cheeses. He was an absolute monarch and an excellent king.

Imagine Obama trying to pull off that look.

           He fell prey to gout in 1725 and soon died, and was laid to rest in the Royal crypt never to be disturbed. Until the French Revolution started. Somehow, during the chaos a group of French peasants broke in a stole his mummified heart. We don't know exactly what their motives where, their French. Anyway somehow through all the rioting, angry pitchfork wielding, and fine wine sipping, the heart made its way to England. In the very capable hands of Reverend William Buckland.

He looks like a reasonable fellow, who wouldn't do something crazy, like I don't know....

          Willy B loved eating exotic things. He had eaten giraffe steak and elephant trunk. So by the time Louis' heart reached his hands, his palate was a little jaded. And what better way to revive his peckish taste buds than some cannibalism? 

 

          Willy dined on king heart on Christmas day. He thought it would grant him immortality for some reason (spoiler alert, it didn't). I don't even know what was going on at that time that invited people to take such odd actions. Those French...

            

Half Communist on My Mother Russia's Side

         Imagine what Japan would be like if it was in the same situation as Korea. One half would be the fun, adorable, anime-loving country we know, and the other half a discombobulated pseudo-communist  nightmare. That was very close to happening in the last few days of World War II.

         As the great war drew to a close, the next conflict was already emerging. The Soviets and the rest of the allied countries were scrambling to get a chunk of the territory left behind by the defeated Axis armies. Thats why a few counties ended up split like North and South Korea, and East and West Germany. That exact thing almost ended up happening to Japan.

The top will be called North Japan, and the bottom will be called East California. 

         See in 1945, the Red Army rolled into Jap-controlled Manchuria. That invasion started the same day America dropped the atom bomb on Nagasaki. Due to the two imposing forces, Japan was being crushed and ended up surrendering six days later. However, it was recently revealed to us that the USSR had plans to continue across the Pacific Ocean and invade Hokkaido. Then mount a full scale invasion of Japan and sweep part of it into the fancy Communist life style. 

Kinda like America, if Justin Bieber was Communism. 

          Fortunately, Stalin decided against carrying out that particular plan. Although we don't exactly know why, historians speculate that Stalin didn't want to spread his army out so thin across the Pacific Ocean. Or he just didn't feel like it. 

         

          So what would Japan be like if Russia had invaded? Would Japan be the technological power house they are today? How would it have influenced the cold war? Would there be a funny Japanieze version of Kim Jong Un? Would the border be fiercely controlled by non-japanieze people?

Guess who's side this would have been on. 

Charles VI of France

            Charles "the Mad" VI was king of France from 1380 to his death in 1422. Since birth, Charles was involved in the "Hundred Years' War" against England. So when his father passed away, Charles became king at age 12. One may be thinking, it might not be in Frances best interests to have someone nicknamed "the Mad" sitting on the throne during a hundred-year long war. Well unless it means he's really angry.

Spoiler alert: it doesn't.

             In 1319, Charles and his knights were perusing a fugitive through a forest. He randomly attacked his knight, killing some of them. The rest restrained him and blamed it on stress. This was one of the first signs that Charles was not totally right upstairs.

              Over the next few years, Charles went through episodes of forgetting names (even his own), that he was king, and the fact that he was not a wolf. Yes, good old Charles often found himself under the dilution that he was a wolf. He would run through the halls of his castle barking, howling, and biting passers by. He also freaked out when people touched him because he thought he was made of glass.

Picture: not Charles VI of France.

             Soon his insanity reached such a high that it threw France into civil war. England attacked with  impunity and soon they occupied most of France. Charles died of gout in 1422 with his brother and cousin vying for power. But hey, at least nobody touched him.

Charles is probably the one in the dress. Or the dog.

       
             

Flammable Mummies

              In this day and age, there are massive projects underway to try to find and preserve ancient Egyptian tombs and the remains inside of them. These thousand year-old mummified corpses provide a wealth of information for scientists everywhere. But despite the massive popularity of the preservation process, why aren't there many left?

This fire smells weird.

               Well, mostly because they were burned for firewood. "Firewood?" One might think, "but only Pharaohs could be mummies!" This is not necessarily true. Just about anybody could choose "mummification" as their funeral option. In fact, most Egyptian peasants would spend their entire life savings on the process. Often times opting for the cool burial over other less important stuff, like food. Plus, the desert would naturally mummify a dead body due to the high temperatures and dry air. So by the 18th century, when mummifying was no longer popular, Egypt was full of mummies. 

              It also happened that at a time when the weather in Egypt was getting colder. So during winters when families would run out of firewood (there is not a ton of trees in Egypt), they would simply toss in a highly flammable deceased family member. Or pretty much any mummy they could get their hands on. 

Dude looks totally burnable.

             And they weren't only used for firewood, they were ground up and used in medicines, sold to Western paper companies for wrapping paper (this stopped when several people died cholera from them). They were also often sold to wealthy english men to have "unwrapping" parties. Which, unfortunately, is exactly what is sounds like.

"Somebody come quick! Madonna needs CPR!"

Testing

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